I might have been wrong

After a brave post of how I've learned to deal with change, I realise that I might have been wrong.
If you've read my earlier post, read on. Else, scroll down, read that post and then come back to this (marketing strategy?).

I was prepared for this change. Or so I thought. I'm leaving in 11 days.

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standing here outside my door. I hate to wake up and say goodbye." - a song modified to my convenience.

It's hard saying goodbye to everything you've ever known. This place I've lived in ALL my life. The friends who live right across the street, the ones who live just a minute away, and some who live far far away. All my friends are moving to new places. But that doesn't make it easier. It really doesn't. It's more about how none of the people you knew and spent all that time together for 10+ years are not going to be in the same place, same time. It's going to get harder to meet all at once, with studies, work and maybe family for some.

Ok. I think this is the weird thing about Life. The fact that you spend MOST of your life in some place (for me it's 21), then you move to a place that's probably gonna be "something you'd like to call home but it clearly ain't" for a few years, and all of a sudden your life is made. You settle in a place and live there for lesser time but it becomes the convenient choice. Why is that? Shouldn't time be the one deciding how close each place is to your heart? Is money taking the front seat?

Ok, so. I think I might cry. I might. Just might. 'Cause it's hard being on your own. For people from India, it most definitely is. Most of us are not used to washing our dishes and doing our laundry. DIY  is a term hardly known in India. Do you wanna fix a pipe at home? Call the plumber. Do you wanna put some furniture together? Call the carpenter. Wait, why don't you Do It Yourself? No no, our place doesn't work like that. There are people who do those things for us, and it's not so expensive to hire them. Oh, is it? Yes, we need to provide them with jobs. Yes, this is India, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE being pampered this way. We're all way too spoilt for our own good, but I enjoy every moment of it. 'Cause pretty soon, people are gonna bank on you. No more childish tantrums, and demanding more gifts for birthdays. Ok maybe that point can be discussed further, but you get my point.

I am wrong. Strategies and planning don't work in this case. Change is definitely hard. And moving on is the worst thing ever. So if you ever got to do one of these, damn it, man up! Cry a little, and just man up! 'Cause change ain't going nowhere.

Life is here. And this is it. Take it or leave it. What's it gonna be?

My Battle against Change

I'm done being dependent and carefree. Apparently.

The next phase of my life is going to be pretty tough. After undergrad (now that I'm done), I plan on doing my Masters. It's Change. Not just any change, but a change marked by 13491 kilometers, 8383 miles, 7284 nautical miles. And a 9.5 hour time difference. Like this ain't much of a strain, I'm going to have to learn to cook. Then learn to wash my own clothes, do the dishes, and clean an apartment.

Do I want this change? Yes, and no. What I really want is to bring Columbia University to Chennai, or Chennai next to Columbia University.

I'm a bit of a wuss that way. I don't do well with change. Mainly because I don't want to. I'm not denying that I'm really excited to move to NYC and study! I'm really really REAALLLY psyched about the experience. The diversity, the culture (however lacking, no offence), the competitive environment; it's all I'd ever dreamed of.

But why don't I do well with change? Idk. It's maybe 'cause of all the extra effort I need to put in- make new friends, get comfortable, and finally enjoy what's around me.

A walk down memory lane : 4 years back, there was another change. A change I didn't deal with very well. Undergrad was too different compared to high school. High school was safe, and secure. And till date, my school friends are the ones I can count on, and it'll probably always remain that way. But in my UG, the people were different, they treated each other differently. It was then that I learnt and understood the clear caste distinction in India; one thing that I'd never noticed in the early 18 years of my life. The first year of my undergrad life was a drag; hardly attending college, bunking classes, staying at home, not talking to people. After a year, I realised I can't stay like that for another 3 years. So, I started talking, and socialising- the usual ritual (just a year late).

Lesson#1 "The realisation of the 'Culprit' "

What I figured out was, all along, I was the problem.

The people were fine, the college was fine and I was going to be JUST FINE. I have made amazing friends past 3 years. But through it all, I never thought I'd miss this place. Of course, that was until I had to move on to the next stage of my life.

Lesson#2 "Learn from your mistakes"

What I'm going to do right this time, is all that I did wrong the last time around.

I'm prepared for this change.
I've read the signs. I've been cautious.

Lesson#3 "Prepare yourself. Equip yourself with the necessities"

I think I'm set. I can handle the new environment, the people. I've made a couple of friends already, and I've started planning for the grad life.

Lesson#4 "Be an optimist, at least try to be"

Hoping the transition will be completed with ease. I can't wait to experience the new life!


And we've reached the end: So here's to change, and how I've finally learned to deal with it!

8tracks

Created a few mixes. So hear 'em out.


1. Hope.

Hope. from annjanar on 8tracks Radio.

2. So this is it? Goodbye?

So this is it? Goodbye? from annjanar on 8tracks Radio.

3. Happy Bappyy!

Happpyy Bapppy! from annjanar on 8tracks Radio.

More coming soon!

I want to.... Maybe Someday

I want to be someone who...


01. Can fall in love at first sight.
02. Can write a song or poem about a loved one, and mean it.
03. Can fall in love with a paragraph, an article.
04. Can think for hours together about that one verse in THAT one song.
05. Can be easily blinded by nature's beauty.
06. Can understand an artist's work.
07. Can appreciate art, and sink in it's miraculous depth.
08. Can read about history, art, and literature; and have an intellectual conversation.
09. Can understand why people do stupid things, blaming 'love'.
10. Can love the little things in life.
11. Cares for people a lot.
12. Cares for animals.
13. Finds it hard to believe in ghosts.
14. Would rather jolt outside in the pouring rain, than sit inside.
15. Doesn't keep accounts with friends and family.
16. Comes off as a brilliant liar.
17. Loathes the sight of beggars.
18. Takes the effort to let people know.
19. Sings like nobody's listening, or dances like nobody's watching. (Not original)
20. Doesn't spend days thinking about something/ Doesn't refuse to talk about things.
21. Observes every tiny detail.
( List yet to be completed )

The phrase 'I want to be' - is a lot of things. It never gets old, never dies out. You're always going to want to be something/someone. But how often do you just be that something/someone?

Or is the fact that you want to be so many things is what makes you YOU?

Either way, you have a list the way I have mine.

'I want to be'... Maybe Some Day I will.